Today our focus was on the second / sacral chakra, Swadhisthana. The color is orange, the element is water, and the seed sound is “VAM.” This chakra is all about movement, emotions, and creativity. Some of our asanas included hip opening poses, which have a tendency to also open up our emotional flood gates…at least for me. During the end of our morning yoga practice, I found my eyes full of tears while I rested in the fetal position a little longer than usual. For me, this morning’s practice wasn’t just about releasing emotions…these hip-focused poses were also reminding me of my current injuries and limitations (hip impingement and labral tear). My ego and pride came crashing down as I felt weak and vulnerable.
How could this be happening NOW? Here I am IN INDIA trying to enjoy this beautiful experience, only to be interrupted by my incompetent body. I tried to push through it. I tried to be gentle with myself. I tried just closing my eyes and breathing. Nothing I did would stop the pain from getting in my way. I was tempted to give up or walk out of class…but that’s not who I am. I did what I could, and then tried my best to hide the tears until the others left. Then, a beautiful release. Full on sobbing, then anger, then more sobbing. Then, the acceptance. It was all going to be just fine. This is where my body is right now. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. I am on this journey for me. All I can do is honor my body and mind, and take care of myself.
After pulling myself together, I decided to explore a bit more and allow the beauty of nature to sooth my spirit. Imperfection within perfection. Even within her flawless design, mother nature still allows for a misshapen petal or a bud that doesn’t bloom. Each is perfect in its own way, all having a place and a purpose.
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Later in the day, we had an opportunity to catch a ride to Dwarahat, a local town about 20-30 minutes down the mountain. Here, we were able to experience the “real” India. Definitely not a tourist destination, Dwarahat displayed a snapshot of everyday life in this part of the country. Vendors of all types eagerly awaited eye contact and curious buyers. Spices, shoes, dish soap, jewelry, food, accessories, cosmetics, scarfs, appliances, and of course Chai…many of which could be found in the same booth…were all available in this small, bustling town.
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On the drive back to the Retreat, we caught a glimpse of the amazing Himalayan Peaks. Another generous meal was followed by another amazing sunset. After more time of reflection, I was able to let go of my insecurities from the morning and allow in serenity. I will admit, I did look through some of my pictures from home and feel a longing for more familiar ground…but I took comfort in my own strength…and my ability to experience the pain and the joy, to see beauty where others may see chaos, to accept imperfection within perfection.
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